


Not To Me

by MelanatedRavenclaw



Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kakashi has a bad night, M/M, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Supportive Umino Iruka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:42:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25325578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelanatedRavenclaw/pseuds/MelanatedRavenclaw
Summary: Kakashi mumbled something Iruka didn’t quite catch. “Baby, I couldn’t hear that.”His use of the endearment had the desired effect, Kakashi gave him the small personal smile he reserved only for Iruka.“I said its rotten work, taking care of me.”“No, it’s not. Not to me, not if it’s you.”
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Comments: 9
Kudos: 156





	Not To Me

The running water in the bathroom is what caused Iruka to stir and wearily open his eyes. It was the distinct sound of glass breaking that caused him to abruptly sit up, and the moan of pain that eventually got him out of his bed.

Running to the bathroom his heart shattered as he hesitantly opened the door. “Kakashi?” he whispered as he took in the sight in front of him.

Kakashi was sitting on the floor, staring blankly at the shattered glass. Iruka leaned down in front of him. His eyes were unfocused. Iruka noticed there was blood on his hands but Kakashi didn’t seem to notice. He didn’t seem to notice anything really.

“Kakashi? Baby?”

No response.

Iruka tried to think about what could have triggered this. Kakashi had just returned from a mission, but this mission was short and seemingly uncomplicated. It wouldn’t - _shouldn’t_ \- have triggered this.

He gently reached out to grab the back of Kakashi’s hands, careful of the glass. His blood started to drip onto Iruka’s hands, a waterfall of red cascading down staining the bathroom floor. His touch seemed to bring Kakashi back to him.

“Kakashi, are you back with me?” He watched as cognition returned to him.

Kakashi seemed to just realize the blood, “Iruka are you hurt?” His concern was evident in his voice.

Iruka glanced down at their hands, “No, I’m fine. It’s not mine.”

“There was so much blood. So much blood.” Iruka heard Kakashi mumble. Iruka tried to remove his hands but Kakashi held on to him tightly.

“I need to get some towels and clean you up,” he whispered trying to remove his hands again.

“Please don’t leave me,” Kakashi whispered his eyes pleading with Iruka.

“I won’t,” Iruka forgot about the towel and instead pulled the man closer to him. Kakashi leaned against him, and Iruka wiped his hands on his shirt in an attempt to not spread the blood around. He started to run his fingers through Kakashi’s hair because he knew it soothed him. Kakashi leaned into his touch.

Iruka hummed as he tried to soothe the man. The first time this happened, Iruka had been so scared he was sure he did more harm than good. Kakashi was always so strong and seeing him completely break down startled Iruka. In the end, both of them had cried and he had felt so helpless. Eventually, Iruka had helped the man get into bed and help him throughout the night. The following morning Kakashi opened up and let Iruka into his world. Iruka learned that Kakashi suffered from PTSD and often had panic attacks. Instead of telling anyone he just tried to hold it all in but was unable to hide it from Iruka.

This was a few months ago, it had still been early in their relationship but Iruka had decided right then and there that he was going to stay with the man forever.

There was wetness on his neck that caused Iruka to look down, he noticed Kakashi was shaking. Silent tears were streaming down his face and wetting Iruka’s nightshirt. He said nothing just squeezed the man tighter.

Iruka wasn’t sure how much time had passed before he felt Kakashi had finally stopped shaking, and his breathing slowed to a normal rate.

He glanced down and he saw that Kakashi was staring up at him, eyes slightly puffy from the tears.

“Hey,” he whispered to the man as to not startle him.

“Hi,” Kakashi responded, his voice was raspy from disuse.

“Can I clean you up some?”

Kakashi nodded.

Iruka stood up and this time Kakashi let him, he knew it would be hard to get the blood off now since it had dried but he didn’t want Kakashi to wake up with blood on him. After grabbing a wet cloth he sunk back down to his knees and found Kakashi trying to clean up the glass.

“Oh, don’t worry about that. We’ll get it later.”

Kakashi didn’t look at him, “I’m so sorry for breaking your glass.”

“It’s alright,” he reached a hand up to cup Kakashi’s cheek. He knew the man must have felt so guilty and he wanted to try and alleviate some of the tension in him. Kakashi was always too hard on himself, especially after an episode.

He grabbed Kakashi’s hands effectively stopping him from picking up the glass and started to scrub them as he tried to remove the blood. When he felt satisfied, he stared at the man in front of him. Kakashi was staring at him expectantly, he looked so young in that moment and so out of control. His facade of arrogance and confidence long gone. 

Iruka never knew how to feel in these moments, he could see the trust in Kakashi’s eyes, and sometimes it was too much for him. He knew that Kakashi did not let most people - anyone - see him like this. It made Iruka so happy to know that Kakashi trusted him implicitly, but he also knew it was hard for Kakashi to bare himself like this.

He stood up and reached out a hand to help Kakashi up. The man followed wordlessly, Iruka pulled back the sheets so the two of them could get back in bed.

Usually, after an episode, Kakashi would cling to Iruka but he didn’t do that this time. Instead, he sat up in bed looking at Iruka. Not touching him.

“Are you tired?” Iruka asked him, confused at the man’s behavior.

Kakashi sighed as if he carried such a weight on his shoulders, and Iruka supposed he did. Not many people in the village had lost all that he had lost.

“I think maybe I should head home.”

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous. Of course, you’ll stay here.”

“Iruka, I can’t keep doing this to you.”

“Doing what to me exactly? ‘Kashi you’re scaring me.”

Iruka watched as Kakashi briefly closed his eyes before speaking again. “I don’t want to be a burden to you. I have a complicated past.”

“You’re not a burden to me,” Iruka pleaded while reaching for Kakashi’s hands, “I know about your past and I don’t care.”

“It’s not that simple. It’s not just my past, it's my present, my future. I have demons and they’re not going away any time soon. You don’t deserve that. You deserve someone that can give you more because Iruka you are… _everything_.”

Kakashi whispered the last part.

Iruka was mad, but he knew Kakashi was only speaking from a place of hurt and didn’t mean what he was saying. He was pushing Iruka away, as he always did when it all became too much.

“Kakashi, look at me,” he waited until the man’s eyes were on him again, “I don’t know how many times you need to hear this until you believe it but I will say this every day for the rest of my life if need be. I get to make my own decisions about who I choose to love and I choose you. I want your convoluted past, your messy present, and your unpredictable future. I want it all because I want you. I’m not saying it’ll be easy but it will be worth it. It’ll be us together.”

Kakashi said nothing for a while, and Iruka could only hear the pounding of his heart. He was aware that you couldn’t force someone to stay with you. In the end, it would be up to Kakashi if he wanted to continue this relationship with him. Iruka really hoped he did because ever since Kakashi had come into his lifethings had never been the same. Kakashi reminded Iruka of a thunderstorm, they were wild and unpredictable. They had the ability to destroy, but like all things, there were two sides and with the rain comes the flowers. Kakashi had definitely brought a lot of joy into his life. He could handle the rain if it meant he was left with flowers.

“You love me?”

Iruka wanted to laugh, of course, that’s what Kakashi picked up on. “Yes, I do. I really do. I want to support you the way you support me. So please, let me love you and take care of you.”

Kakashi mumbled something, Iruka didn’t quite catch. “Baby, I couldn’t hear that.”

His use of the endearment had the desired effect, Kakashi gave him the small personal smile he reserved only for Iruka.

“I said its rotten work, taking care of me.”

“No, it’s not. Not to me, not if it’s you.”

Kakashi smiled at him. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself the same thing,” Iruka said as he reached out for Kakashi. Kakashi met him halfway and clung to him the way Iruka had expected when they first entered the bed.

“Mm, you’re so comfortable Ru.”

Iruka smiled as Kakashi leaned on him, their legs intertwined with his face in the crook of his neck. Kakashi’s breath was tickling him, but he didn’t dare move. He knew Kakashi needed this and he did too.

“Kakashi, do you want to talk about?”

“It was more of the same. I’m sorry if I scared you.”

“I told you, you don’t need to apologize about this. Not to me.”

“Iruka?” Kakashi whispered in his ear causing him to shiver.

“Yes?”

“I love you too.”

Iruka tilted his head down so he could plant a gentle kiss to Kakashi’s forehead.

“You know I’ll never leave you right?”

“I do,” Kakashi nodded his head, “I don’t understand why you stay but I know you always will.”

“It’s okay if you don’t know now. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving just how worthy and enough you are.”

Kakashi was silent after that, but it didn’t bother Iruka he was content to sit in silence, and hopefully, Kakashi would fall asleep soon. He started to gently run his hands up and down the man’s back feeling his spine. He could feel himself getting sleepy and knew he would pass out soon.

Before he fully succumbed to sleep, he heard the faint whisper of Kakashi’s voice in his ear.

“I’ll spend the rest of my life proving how much you mean to me as well.”

Iruka wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or awake, but the smile didn’t leave his face as he slowly drifted off.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I know this has been done over and over again but I wanted to try my own version of it. This was inspired by this excerpt from Euripides: 
> 
> Phylades: I’ll take care of you  
> Orestes: It’s rotten work  
> Phylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you. 
> 
> I read it and immediately thought of these two. I hope you all enjoyed <3 
> 
> Let me know what you think! 
> 
> \- MR :)


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